The end of the affair...
Like most relationships, it started tentatively. I couldn’t see the attraction at first. I stated too loudly that we weren’t a good match, but I went along with the idea, kept the communication light and friendly, laughed at all the jokes, played nicely.
And then, without quite knowing how it happened, I was all in. Communication was daily, then twice a day, then hourly. And boy it was good, for a long time. I got introduced to wonderful people, saw places I never knew existed, learned so much. And the avid attention I was paid made the time I spent feel so worthwhile. Everything I said was listened to. Most of what I said got a warm response, even when I was rambling on about something inconsequential.
Other people warned me it wouldn’t last, pointed out the obvious flaws in the object of my affection. But like all true lovers I held on, enjoying the best bits and ignoring the bad.
But I think we are done. The end has been coming for a while. First, it pushed unwanted suggestions on me, told me I should improve myself with this or that product (hair removal products are this week’s annoyance). Then I was discouraged from finding my friends and it got harder for them to find me too. The final straw was the gaslighting - I no longer know what’s real and what’s fake.
To borrow an overused cliche - it isn’t me, it really isn’t. I haven’t changed, but Twitter has. It’s time to go.
Looking back over the twelve years of our relationship, I can see how I changed to try to fit its demands. I learned to write shorter, pithy messages, always with a picture, and stopped writing the longer blog posts I had written for years (see Archive). I ditched my beloved, lumpy SLR in favour of my phone camera which was almost, but not quite as good. I don’t regret any of it, we had so many good times. And many of the friends I made will stay in touch. But we are done.
Last night I took my trusty SLR out of its bag, polished the lens and charged the battery. I took it outside and took a picture of the Moon and Jupiter. It’s not a great shot, but it’s better than my phone camera can do.
Today I slipped the camera over my shoulder and took it to the bluebell woods with me. And like the great friend it is, there were no words of recrimination, no sulky looks, just a quiet pleasure in being together. Our relationship is a little rusty - my eyesight isn’t what it was, for a start and focussing is tricky. But we made a start and I think we’re back together, to stay.
